Betty Friedan, 1993, 638 pages

Provided by CN Building Adult Ministries Resource Center

The author has gathered a vast collection of research material from University studies around the world in a variety of topics related to people facing possible retirement years, whether by force or choice.  Betty Friedan, in addition to reporting on the interviews she has had with people, she weaves her own personal journey of aging into the mix.

The author writes about people’s denial of age and the statics based in terms of the measurement of youth instead of accepting themselves at whatever age they are.  She records how life expectancy has been lengthened in recent decades as earlier diseases have been eliminated by more advanced medical studies and cures.  An example was that at the turn of the century, women’s life expectancy was forty-six; now it was nearly eighty.  She reported on the trauma of retirement in men or widowhood or the “empty nest” in women, and for all who near their fiftieth birthday, the dread of the invitation to join AARP.

Aging in America is seen as a “problem” rather than an age of sage or respect.  Elderly Americans are referred to as “a burden to the young,” with failing health issues, but especially with Social Security.

Male suicide in people over sixty-five has been increasing steadily in America, especially in white males. Many people in retirement experience depression, a feeling of loneliness, poor health, powerlessness, fear of crime and serious financial problems.

One study at Harvard Medical School reported that one quarter of all drug prescriptions are written for persons over sixty-five.

A positive approach to aging suggested a “state of becoming and being, not merely as ending.”  A common theme from the various studies suggested a daily exercise regiment, a healthy diet (although that can become costly), and the taking of calcium or other vitamins supplements will improve the quality of life. Several studies concluded that “the majority of elderly are capable of engaging in all types of normal physical activity up until the age of eighty-five.”  People who have to work out of necessity and derive no satisfaction from it tend to die earlier than expected, while satisfying work tends to increase longevity, but unsatisfying work tends to reduce longevity.

Throughout the book, citing different studies, the author reported that “a continued interest in using the mind as a satisfying instrument in an environment where there was some sense of purpose appeared to substantially influence the men’s level of mental performance.”  The reports further indicated that for almost all people, being involved in an intergenerational community, having choices as to where they want to live and what they want to do, being able to serve and help others, seemed to give all a hope and a reason for living.  People who retired to golf or sit home in a rocking chair did not age well.  It was most obvious by the quantity of reports, how retired people could choose to go back to school, getting an education in an area they always dreamed about, from classes in the arts or music to foreign languages or academic subjects.  It became a chance to develop values and abilities, for each of us and for society that are not visible or fully realized in youth.

Studies also shared that “in age, the man can reclaim his ‘feminine’ side, which had to be repressed to allow him to protect his young as warrior; the woman can reclaim her assertive, aggressive, masculine side, which had to be repressed for her to stay close to the young she must nurture.”

The variety of care facilities was a huge topic.  From simply sticking elderly parents into a “home” because the extended family could no longer physically care for them, to seeing retired couples chose to move to an assisted living community, whether or not there would be choices for the elderly or strict rules were to govern them the rest of their lives.  Studies showed these things took away their will to live.

Love was shown to be a key factor to living a healthy life and that if family was not available to interact with the patient, then creating a new community/family of friends was very important.

Loneliness and lack of intimacy is a huge issue of concern.

Change is a constant for all of us.  We need to be flexible and to have an eagerness for challenge.  I found it interesting but true that “in times of rapid cultural and technological change, it is primarily in relation to younger populations that the aged can be describes as deficient.”  Many older people have learned to use the computer and the web and spend much time gathering helpful information, especially with regard to their medications, etc.

I agree with the author that throughout the book, a common theme appeared to me that people who keep a positive attitude live longer and healthier.  We all are aging, even with facelifts and hair dye; we can not deny that we are moving toward the winter of our lives.  While men “mature,” women are concerned about their loss of youthful beauty and looking “old.”  People, who learn to cope and accept change, grow.

I found it interesting that the author wrote about people being involved in their religion of choice, giving back to society whether it be serving in the Peace Corp, developing an elderly co-op, doing extreme sports, or traveling with a purpose to some far off land to help people in need.

My personal application of reading this book is to learn to listen better to retired people.  Encouraging a person in retirement to accept change and that they are in a new place, accept and respect who they have become, what they look like, accept their limitations, encourage them to move ahead. To dream their dreams to serve God and others, and fulfill the rest of their lives.

This review presented by Rev. El Roy Pankow, Wilshire Ave Community Church, Fullerton CA

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