Beyond Bling, Tattoos and Wrinkles

Cavin T. Harper

 

“Just don’t put me with one of those kids with tattoos and ornaments hanging all over his body! That’s all I ask.”  Along with a few other willing adventurers, I asked our Board to be the guinea pigs for an experiment we called the Inter-Generational Institute. Walt, a reluctant participant and a little unsure about how it would all work out, left no doubt about his expectations.

The institute involved taking a group of older men and women (that was us) and pairing them up with college students for one week on campus. Because one of our Board members already had a personal contact with the president of a college on the Florida coast, and because they were willing to work with us on the project, that is where we took our little experiment. We arrived in beautiful West Palm Beach and gathered on campus to get our student assignments. The student coordinator had paired up the list of participants ahead of time. Our plan was to spend as much of the week with our assigned students as possible. We attended classes with them, ate several meals with them, engaged in a group dialogue session each afternoon, and participated in various campus events throughout the week, including some special fun outings around the area.

As the students filed into the room I could tell immediately that Walt was feeling a little uneasy about how the pairings would flesh out. I promise that I had nothing to do with any of the assignments. I mentioned nothing to the coordinator about any special requests. So, when Walt’s assigned student was introduced, complete with tattoos and gold accessories dangling from various locations, I had to chuckle to myself as the thought crossed my mind, Lord, you do have a sense of humor.

As Christopher stepped up to greet Walt, his chosen partner for the week, I wondered if I might have to call the paramedics. The blood vessels in Walt’s neck bulged like a herniated inner tube. The very thing Walt did not want to happen happened. He glanced at me with that ‘you-better-not-have-had-anything-to-do-with-this’ look. I smiled and prayed that Walt would not say anything he would regret. Fortunately, he quickly composed himself and graciously introduced himself to Chris. Only later that week did we learn that Chris held equally strong misgivings about older people. Obviously, the Lord had a special purpose in mind for this particular match.

 

In Matthew 18 Jesus warned his disciples of the consequences of causing any of the Father’s little ones to sin, or to even look down on them. As grandparents, we easily go into raptures over our own grandchildren, especially when they’re little. But how do we view all the other grandchildren God has placed in our path at church, in our neighborhood or in the mall? How does Jesus’ warning apply to our words, attitudes or level of involvement with other generations? How would he respond to our caustic remarks about their hair, the way they dress, how fat they are, the tattoo on their ankle, or that nose ring we find annoying?

Let’s be honest—it’s a whole lot easier to criticize the things we don’t like about the younger generations than it is to engage with them and their world. It is not uncommon for those of us who are older to look down our noses at young people because of the way they look or act. That’s not to say there aren’t attitudes and issues with children and teens that should, in fact, be addressed. The question is—have we earned the right to be heard?

 

Let me ask you something. When was the last time you took a teen out for a coke or Starbucks just to get to know them and their views about the world? How can you expect to help them navigate the world in which they live successfully if you make no time to engage their world? Do you see today’s children and youth, including the ones who look weird, as the Father’s little ones—so precious to Him that He gave His own Son because He does not want any to be lost? Do you share the Father’s heart for all children, not just your own grandchildren?

We live in turbulent, uncertain times. Perhaps at no other period in this nation’s history are courageous, audacious heroes more necessary. It’s time to wake up and own up to our part in allowing Satan to gain such a strong foothold on our watch. There is too much at stake to stand around and do nothing but complain. We must be intentionally and radically inter-generational about the relationships in our lives. That’s not always comfortable. It is transformational.

As for Walt and Chris, by the second day of the program they were “tight as a tick”, as my grandfather was fond of saying. They looked forward to each opportunity to be together. Chris told me afterward that every stereotype he ever had about old people had been ripped to pieces because of Walt. And Walt? Well, he stopped focusing his attention on the bling and tattoos, in the same way that Chris began to look past the wrinkles. They genuinely enjoyed their time together, and did so for a long time after the Institute. Walt would tell you today that it was one of the best experiences of his life. I know Chris would agree.

 

How about you? Is it easier to grumble and complain about how difficult it is to relate to younger generations than to shut up, listen up, get up and step up into their world for a little bit? If so, you risk missing the opportunity of a lifetime. In fact, you may be surprised by what you find underneath all that bling and body art.

 

Cavin Harper grew up in Wyoming and is Founder and Executive Director of ElderQuest Ministries’ Christian Grandparenting Network (CGN). He and his wife, Diane, live in Colorado Springs near their six grandchildren, also in Colorado. They conduct several GrandCamps each summer in Colorado for grandparents and grade school age grandchildren. Read more at www.christiangrandparenting.net.