A Collaborative Effort

It all started with an email sent to info(at)gocasa.org :

I have run out of ideas to honor and promote the Senior Adult Widows and Widowers of our local church! Any suggestions?

The email was sent along to The CASA Network Board of Directors and a few others, and within a week, we had collected some great responses to share with the individual. Below are the responses from Missy Buchanan, Dr. Richard Gentzler, Wes Wick, Leona Bergstrom and Dick Hardel for all our readers.

From Missy Buchanan:

Besides typical luncheons and outings, consider adapting these ideas.

1) Have grief workshops that include how to journal or do poetry-writing as a special way to remember a loved one.

2) Have widows/ widowers write devotions of hope, their stories of overcoming loss, to include in a special devotional booklet, then perhaps give those to all church members.

3) Have a photo gallery, not church directory photos, but interesting photos perhaps taken by a gifted church member. Display photos in a prominent area of the church and accompany them with a story for church members to see.

4) Have church members send widow/ widower “You’re special because….” cards. Fill their mailboxes!

5) One widower I know paints a picture of his wife each month using an old photo as inspiration. He takes a photo of his artwork and shares it with his friends.

From Dr. Richard Gentzler:

While I don’t quite know what the writer is looking for, I would invite the writer to visit my website for this Resources.pdf.

He can also find the resource at: www.aging-umc.org then click on “Services and Liturgies” on the left hand side of the page. When that link opens, scroll down to “Resources for Celebrating Older Adult Sunday.”

This resource will provide the writer with information about celebrating the senior adult.

I hope this is helpful.

From Wes Wick:

It has been my experience that widows don’t mind getting together as a group once in a while, but widowers are usually significantly outnumbered and aren’t always excited by the prospect of attending a heavily female-dominated event of widows/widowers.

I think it’s important to show widows and widowers that you care about their loss, but many don’t want to be singled out or viewed in a prolonged way as part of a new fraternity of hurting men/women.

We have seen a beautiful dynamic when widows and widowers join us in serving others. I’m thinking of one lady in particular, Jane, who lost her husband of over 64 years in February and then joined us in July for a week of service, accompanied by her adult daughter.

At 84 years old, Jane’s engagement in serving (so quickly on the heels of her loss) blew us all away. And she found it to be very therapeutic in dealing with her loss. She had some special new needs as a widow to which we were able to later respond, but those relationships were forged when she took the first step in reaching out.

Many widows and widowers have faced years of caregiving prior to the death of their spouse, which not only taxed them but also defined their role. Many want to redeploy their caregiving in less demanding but significant ways. Help them rediscover purpose. Don’t forget their need to be needed.

So I would encourage you to look for ways to engage your widows and widowers in service to others, when practical. Help them integrate with others in the church both inside and outside their peer group. Obviously, be sensitive to any singles (not limited to widows/widowers) feeling left out or being made to feel like they are half a couple.

For widows and widowers in distress, help unleash the full body of Christ to help meet their needs—don’t make this a task only for their peer group. The Apostle Paul gets pretty specific on which types of widows for the Church to take on. Don’t let families off the hook—encourage their support and equip them for support whenever possible.

From Leona Bergstrom:

Great question – and a great response from Wes.

One blog that may be helpful to widows: www.awidowsmight.org. It’s written from the hearts of women who are experiencing a full range of emotions.

I also have a friend who started a small group of women called Widow Chicks. They are in their 50’s and early 60’s and go together to a variety of events such as plays, out to dinner, etc. They’ve banded together for fellowship and support – and then branch out to live their lives.

Yes – support, encourage, acknowledge uniqueness, while bringing them in naturally to all activities of all ages and walks of life. No one wants to be the “fifth wheel.”

From Dick Hardel:

I would suggest the following milestone ministry step: Have members of the congregation (this is a great way to connect men with action from their faith and even with prayer and Bible study) make a FaithChest® for each senior adult. (I will explain more about FaithChest®) Within the worship service the FaithChest® is given to the individual in their honor. A short litany can be written for the blessings of this milestone in the life of the senior adult. Another litany can be written to use with family and friends, if the senior adult is in a nursing home, living at home, or in assisted living.

A high school youth, who is mature in faith (perhaps trained in Peer Ministry) is given the gift of ministry to the senior adult to assist the senior adult in filling the FaithChest® with his/her legacy of faith. Video DVDs are made of the youth asking the senior adult about a favorite Bible story, favorite songs of faith, sharing the love of Christ in the marriage with the spouse who died, stories of God’s faithfulness throughout the life of the senior adult, first childhood prayer, Bible verses the senior adults knows by heart, etc. The young person and senior adult can work on a scrapbook of God’s faithfulness throughout the life of the senior.

The FaithChest® becomes somewhat like the Ark of the Covenant and is filled with these symbols, items, and stories of God’s faithfulness.

It might take a couple of years to do all this. It is a great ministry for the youth growing in faith as well as for the senior adult. The Holy Spirit will be at work shaping the faith of both. As the senior adult remembers the love shared with the spouse who died and with family and friends, she/he are re-membered, i.e., connected to that loved one through the love of Christ. Nothing separates us from the love of God in Christ Jesus. The Holy Spirit also connects the senior adult with the youth as they grow in a relationship in Christ.

The FaithChest® was developed by Drs. Martinson, Anderson, and myself, when I was the Executive Director of The Youth & Family Institute. It is a gift than can be given and used at any milestone in one’s journey of faith. My original thinking (in my Lutheran faith tradition) was to have men make a FaithChest® out of wood to be given to each person baptized. The family would help the child when very young to fill the FaithChest® with resources that the family used to teach the stories of God’s faithfulness throughout the life of the young person. When that young person would grow older and leave home, he or she would take the FaithChest® filled with resources to nurture and pass on faith the the children with whom God would bless him/her.

There is no age separation in being a child of God. So I began to use the FaithChest® in many different milestone ministry events. If you are interested in more ideas for milestone celebrations, contact Vibrant Faith Ministries in Minneapolis, MN. They have created a wonderful Milestone Ministry Manual.

 

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Honoring one another is something Paul has instructed the church to do over the centuries. How much more necessary and significant is it for today! Our society seldom knows how to address loss, dying and grief, yet the church is well equipped to do exactly this.

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. (Romans 12:10-16)

 

Have a ministry question or a story to share? Email us! info@gocasa.org.