The side effects of love shouldn’t be injury, degradation

By Jodi Derrick

Ever seen those TV commercials for the latest wonder drugs touting all the cures and life-changing results you can expect when you take their marvelous medication? The people in the ads look so blissful and healthy, they almost make you want to take their pills, whether you have that particular condition or not! That is, until the last 10 seconds when the voice-over guy rattles off the long list of possible side effects.

“This drug can cause hiccups, heart-attacks and head-enlargement as well as severe freckling, numbness in the extremities and the desire to stare directly into the sun. Do not take if you are accustomed to walking down stairs, drinking through straws or swallowing food more than once daily.”

Sheesh! Sounds like the cure is worse than the disease!

Someone said “love is a drug.” Perhaps they had in mind the potency of love to create big changes, for good or ill.

With Valentine’s Day almost on us, I’ve been wondering, if love is a drug, what are the side effects?

Sadly, those of us who’ve served in ministry (or other people-helping professions) likely have seen women for whom the side effects of “love” (to use the term loosely) are brokenness and pain. It’s hard to understand why a woman would go back to the man who split her lip and dislocated her shoulder the week before.

Love, she says; I love him.

And what about the college student who, despite many warnings from concerned friends and family, continues to date her volatile boyfriend — the one who constantly showers her with an acid rain of demeaning comments and cruel insults?

Love, she says; he loves me. I just know it, even though I make him mad at times.

 

Statistics from national and state agencies all say pretty much the same thing: Eighty-five percent of domestic-violence victims are female — and many cases are never reported to the police. One in four women will experience some form of domestic violence in her lifetime. For many, that lifetime will be cut short by homicide.

If the “drug” of love is producing those kinds of side effects, it’s probably time to clean out the medicine cabinet and start with a new prescription. Real love doesn’t injure or degrade.

The Bible’s love chapter, 1 Corinthians 13, talks about the hollowness of life and spirituality without love. It also describes the “side effects” of love in verses 4-7:

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. — The New Living Translation

Now those are side effects I can live with — and in fact, have. For more than 36 years I’ve experienced the blessings of a great (not perfect) marriage. The side effects of being loved by my husband, Don, are things like:

  • Knowing someone believes in you (more than you believe in yourself) and is always cheering you on.
  • Daily duets of laughter over the crazy parts of living.
  • Having someone share the pain on your worst days and the joy on your best.
  • Sweet expressions of affection, even in e-mail exchanges.
  • Hearing “you’re beautiful” on days when you know he’s lying through his teeth.
  • Knowing the person you see first each morning and last each night is also the one person who always will have your best interest at heart.

This Valentine’s Day, it might be good to honestly examine the side effects of your “love drug.” If you’re experiencing some kind of domestic violence, gather your courage and get help. Love should heal, not hurt.

And to my own Valentine, Don — keep the medicine coming, Sweetheart! I’m loving the side effects!

Jodi Detrick is a minister with the Northwest Ministry Network (Assemblies of God). She is also a public speaker, an author and a life coach. Visit the Seattle Times for more of Jodi’s reflections. 

Article first published in The Seattle Times February 11, 2011.