Intergenerational Connections: The Importance of Grandparent and Grandchild Relationships

Nurturing connections between grandparents and grandchildren is fun and easy.

My guest blogger this month is Dr. Lydia Manning, Associate Professor of Gerontology and Gerontology Program Faculty Leader at Concordia University Chicago.

A PIVOTAL ROLE

Grandparents can provide a pivotal role in the lives of their grandchildren.  Relationships between grandparents and grandchildren can be rewarding for both parties and lead to strong intergenerational bonds. Grandparents are often viewed as traditional figures in family life and are frequently the cornerstones of family units.

As our life expectancy lengthens and more people live longer the number of grandparents increases. MetLife looked into grandparenthood in a July 2011 report titled, American Grandparents; New Insights for a New Generation of Grandparents: “The numbers of grandparents are at record highs and still growing at more than twice the overall population growth rate. There were an estimated 65 million grandmothers and grandfathers in 2010. By 2020, they are projected to reach 80 million, at which time they will be nearly one-in-three adults.”

INCREASED LIFE EXPECTANCY

Nearly 75% of people over the age of 65 are grandparents; approximately half of all grandparents become great-grandparents. Increasing numbers of grandparents implies that greater numbers of younger generations will know their grandparents well into their adolescence, young adulthoods, and even as young parents. Increased life expectancy also increases the likelihood that grandchildren will have all four grandparents (or more in cases of divorce or remarriage) alive during their childhood.

Grandparent-grandchild relationships are important and result in frequent interactions. Nearly one-half of all grandparents report weekly contact with one or more grandchildren, and roughly 75% of grandparents report monthly contact with their grandchildren. Advances in modern technology (for example, Skype, Google Hangout, Facebook, and texting) are changing these types of exchanges and and is promoting intimacy-at-a-distance. Grandparents these days are ‘wired’ and their grandchildren appreciate this.

IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIPS

Existing evidence suggests that the relationships between grandparents and grandchildren are important. Additionally, studies on grandparent satisfaction report that adults derive pleasure from the role and that adjustment to grandparenthood is positive.

Many grandparents report that interactions with young grandchildren have many benefits. Grandparents often feel valued as an elder in their relationships with grandchildren. Older adults are able to fulfill a sense of legacy while reminiscing about the past. The relationships provide grandparents with the opportunity to break norms regarding age-appropriate behavior.

For example, grandparents feel free to act foolish, giggle, and play games that their age normally forbids. The hugs and cuddles that children expect from their grandparents also give the grandparents opportunities for personal contact that is generally restricted in our culture. Reciprocally, these relationships are also beneficial to grandchildren.

Grandparent-grandchild relationships are as unique as the individuals that comprise them, but research indicates that there are also some commonalities in the way the generations interact.

People become grandparents at ages ranging from their early 30s to  60s or 70s and this age diversity contributes to the diversity of grandparenting styles. In 1964, Neugarten and Weinstein identified five styles of grandparenting: formal, fun seeker, distant figure, surrogate parent, and reservoir of family wisdom. In 1986, Cherlin and Furstenberg identified three styles of grandparenting: remote, compassionate, and involved.

These relationships can change over time.  In most cases, these relationships occur naturally and effortlessly. In other instances, the connections may need cultivation and effort to be fruitful and meaningful. There are strategies that can help foster connection and empathy across varying types. Overall, intergenerational relationships are alive and well.

FOUR CHARACTERISTICS

Four simple characteristics can be kept in mind to build and strengthen relationships between grandparents and grandchildren: respect, responsibility, reciprocity, and resiliency (Brubaker & Brubaker, 1999).

We know that younger generations respect the wisdom and life experience of their grandparents, particularly as the younger generations age and experience life. Younger generations express wanting to be responsible for their older loved ones, wanting to make sure that everyone is receiving the care, love and support they need.

Reciprocity is also important; both generations do well when all parties feel needed, valued, and connected.  Creating intergenerational exchanges and opportunities for grandparents and grandchildren to form coalitions to deal with hardship and adversity within families is also important and bolsters these relationships and family resilience.

FUN AND EASY CONNECTIONS

Creating nurturing connections between grandparents and grandchildren is fun and easy. There are several simple strategies that will help grandparents interact with their grandchildren. These approaches to connection are valuable across all age ranges.

1. It is helpful for grandparents to arrange for regular visits with grandchildren. Grandparents and grandchildren can alternate travel or meet at a destination desirable by both parties.
2. Sharing is crucial. Grandparents can share something about their past or a recent experience. If distance is an issue, send your grandchildren something via snail mail. They will recognize your packages and appreciate them.
3. Describe for your grandchildren what inspires or awes you and what matters most in your life and in your relationship with them, and in turn, inquire about what inspires and awes them.
4. Enjoy being able to see life through younger eyes. Grandparents have the added benefit in most cases of not being the parent. Enjoy this role. Take it easy and smell the roses together.

GRANDPARENT FUN AND FACTS