How Do You Define Family?

David Fraze, pastor and church youth specialist, challenges the way youth ministry programming and teaching outcomes have been falling short of hoped for expectations. 1 He’s right. It’s reality check time for family ministry.

A SUSTAINABLE FAITH FOR THE YOUNG?
In research published by The Barna Group, David Kinnaman says while “millions of American teenagers and 20somethings are alive to God and devoted to His Kingdom, much of the ministry to teenagers in America needs an overhaul—not because churches fail to attract significant numbers of young people, but because so much of those efforts are not creating a sustainable faith beyond high school. 2”

Kinnaman reports, “six out of ten 20somethings who were involved in a church during their teen years fail to translate that into active spirituality during their early adulthood. Only 20% of 20somethings appear to have maintained a level of spiritual activity consistent with their high school experiences.”

WHY SHOULD WE CARE?
Why should this be your concern or mine? Most of you reading this have already raised your children. Aren’t we focusing in on the joys of grandparenting now? Yes and yes. But if you hope for your family to find their way home tonight, shouldn’t you leave a light on? To do this, the person inside must make an effort to light the light for those outside, still trying to find their way in the dark.

THE (DIS)FUNCTIONAL FAMILY
Traditional youth ministry practice tends to undervalue the role of ‘those inside,’ the parents and other adult volunteers, and supports the separation of age groups in the church. Older adults do the same by preferring and supporting age-segregated ministry practices. It is easier to delegate the responsibility, isn’t it? Absolutely. We’re too busy or too tired to be involved. Or truth be known, we just don’t care enough anymore.

So how does this work when we’re at home? When the extended family comes to dinner, do we seat our children and teens at the table next to parents and grandparents? Or do we send them off to their age-specific rooms with TV dinners and hope for the best? My guess is that you spend a fair amount of intergenerational time

1 Something is Not Right: Revisiting our Definition of Family. David Fraze, 2014 article, Fuller Youth Institute
2 Research Releases in Millennials & Generations • September 11, 2006

at the table and still have opportunity for age-specific activities and relationships. Connection is vital for healthy families.

Fraze agrees with sociologist and family ministry specialist Diana Garland, who encourages a shift from a purely ‘structural’ to a ‘functional’ definition of family. “The functional definition of family honors and values the significance of the traditional family unit while acknowledging the place for single parents, divorced individuals, singles and others within the faith community. This calls the community of faith to offer hope for those hurt in structural family relationships by providing a family in which healing and acceptance are found. 3”

EXPANDING YOUR VIEW
So when you join your church family next Sunday, keep in mind there will only be two

kinds of people there, regardless of age or generational differences: those who have been broken before in some way and those who are broken still. As a functional family, we will do everything we can to link the healing presence of ‘have beens’ with those who are ‘broken still.’

Families are important. Broken families are important, too. In an era of disappointment and brokenness within both Church and society, there is wisdom in expanding the church’s view of the family, of becoming a church with relationships that endure over time; a church through which all the generations can view and experience the life and values of Jesus together.

3 Family Life Ministry: a Comprehensive Guide by Diana Garland. 2009.