WHERE SELF-ESTEEM NO LONGER HELPS

Those of us over 50 still move at a fast pace, maybe not as fast as we once did, but faster than we should, just the same. Even in life’s final third. Our minds are on other things. We don’t see it until, suddenly, there it is! We are standing at the edge of a deep disappointment, the consuming precipice of self-esteem. Pastors live or die on this precipice. So do the people we serve.

 

SELF-ESTEEM

Self-esteem comes from knowing you can handle just about anything life throws your way. You may be talented, successful, beautiful, creative, brilliant. This is how friends describe you when you’re not around. At least you like to think so.

 

You are a leader in your business or profession or church. You belong to Rotary or Lions or some other service club. You are attractive. Well-liked. People say nice things about you. Even behind your back. You might not say it out loud, yet deep down you know. You are somebody!

 

But the wife/husband is out with friends tonight. The kids are living their own adult lives now. The TV is off and the lights are down. It’s quiet. Thoughts turn inward as you pause at the edge to look over. The realization hits you. The self-esteem you’ve worked toward for much of your life has left a gaping hole!

 

The problem about building one’s life on self-esteem is forever attempting to be all we want others to think we are. The truth? If we can accept how little time others spend thinking about us, we will sleep better. We are not the center of everyone else’s universe. It’s not all about me. Or you. It never was!

 

When a bad day, or month, or even a bad year slams our self-esteem, blame and guilt and failure to meet self-imposed expectations gnaw at us . We are sure others will finally find out just how empty we are in the inner soul of us. That vulnerability can be overwhelming. Think Robin Williams.

 

SELF-RESPECT

Jane Marie Thibault, writes, “‘Looking forward’ has served me well for the first two-thirds of my life. But I realize it will not carry me through the rigors of the last third, when there’s not much to look forward to except heaven! Perhaps we simply resist the notion of the ‘royal dignity’ of deep maturity, where self-esteem no longer helps and when self-respect becomes a more useful goal.

 

“What’s the difference? We gain self-esteem through the pride we take in ourselves when we’ve successfully accomplished what society expects of us. Self-respect involves the inner peace we experience when we act according to our deepest values, our true self—even when our actions run counter to society’s demands. We acknowledge our contribution to society and combine it with the satisfaction that we have been—most of the time—true to ourselves.

 

“The dignity of old age comes from remaining true to who we really are in the midst of the realities and challenges that face us. The task is finding out how to do this as life changes.”