The following was written by dementia writer and activist Rachael Wonderlin and originally published on Alzheimer’s Reading Room. Ms. Wonderlin has created a list that serves as a touching and gentle reminder of how people with dementia wish to be treated:

 

  • “If I get dementia, please embrace my reality. If I think my spouse is still alive, or if I think we are visiting my parents for dinner, let me believe those things. I will be much happier for it, and it will be easier for you.


  • If I get dementia, please do not treat me as if I were a child. Talk to me as the adult that I am.


  • If I get dementia,  please let me enjoy the things that I have always enjoyed. Help me find a way to exercise, read, visit with friends, garden, and whatever else I have always enjoyed.


  • If I get dementia, please ask me to tell you a story from my past.


  • If I get dementia, and I become agitated, please take the time to understand what is bothering me, then help me solve the problem.


  • If I get dementia, please treat me the way that you would want to be treated.


  • If I get dementia, please make sure that there are plenty of snacks for me in the house. Whenever anyone fails to eat, he or she becomes angry or at least irritable, but if I have dementia, I may have trouble telling you what I need.


  • If I get dementia, please do not discuss me in my presence as if I am not in the room.


  • If I get dementia, please do not feel guilty that you cannot care for me 24 hours per day, 7 days per week. No one can do that. Instead, please find someone who can help you, including finding a great new place for me to live.


  • If I get dementia, please visit me often.


  • If I get dementia, please do not be frustrated if I mix up names, events, or places. Instead, please take a deep breath, then remember it is not my fault.


  • If I get dementia, please make sure I always have my favorite music playing within earshot.


  • If I get dementia, and I take items from where they belong, then carry them around, please help me return those items to their original locations.


  • If I get dementia, please do not have parties and family gatherings without me.


  • If I get dementia, please remember that I still like receiving hugs or handshakes.


  • If I get dementia, please remember that I am still the person you know and love.“

 

In 2022, approximately 4% of adults aged 65 and older in the U.S. reported being diagnosed with dementia. This percentage increases with age, from 1.7% for those aged 65-74 to 13.1% for those aged 85 and older. (The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) 

 

We all have family or friends who have experienced some form of dementia later in life. We may secretly wonder if we are noticing “first signs” when we can’t find our keys. Consider this: many of us will have the opportunity to love and care for someone affected, but may not be affected ourselves. And remember…

 

Isaiah 46:4 (NIV)

“Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.”

 

A reminder to both our loved ones and caregivers that God’s care extends into every season of life, even as memory fades.

 

May Jesus keep us close.

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For more information on Alzheimer’s and dementia, read Julianne Kobelin’s book, Because There Is No Friday: A Caregiver’s Compass for Alzheimer’s & Dementia. An excellent book by a writer who lived with, loved, and cared for her mother-in-law and friend for 4 years.

 

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Earlier this month, Chaplain Mike Ryan and I co-led a well-attended memorial gathering at Timber Ridge in Issaquah, Washington, honoring Richard “Dick” Rosenkranz, one of our 90+ year-old friends. Dick was a much-loved and respected man, mentally quick, with great humor, and one who loved the Lord. 

The next day, I spoke at The Fellowship at Timber Ridge, and afterwards, had a book signing and brunch with many friends.